I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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