I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
