it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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