READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
