Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
