Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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