So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
