I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
