Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
