I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
