We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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