now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
