I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
