I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
