Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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