TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
