I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
