Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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