Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
