He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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