thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
