Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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