ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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