why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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