There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
