I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
