why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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