there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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