i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
