He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
send nudes
from the living room?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
