but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
