I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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