You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
