3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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