she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
