i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
