he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
