Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
