I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
