Is it because I queefed?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
