if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
