What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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