He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
