The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
