you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
