Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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