How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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