new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
