so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
