i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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