I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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