someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
