I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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