I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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