brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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